JUST STOP ALREADY

When life throws you lemons, throw them back! Sometimes God seems silent, and maybe it's because He is. But just because He's quiet doesn't mean He's not at work. Often we can take the silence as "Gods on a break" I can imagine a sign that is sitting on His desk that reads, be back after lunch. Or I can picture how a couple of 30 years. How all they have to do is give a small nod, maybe a smile. and somehow they strangely know what the other is communicating. In my mind, I love these two images; one shows how we can often think that God communicates with us. That all we are is a number waiting in line. And as we approach the front, He goes on a break. And the other is how deep God wants to know us, that all He has to do is smile and we know exactly what he is saying.

My life recently went upside down. I lost my material life as I knew it. As I entered a country in asia minor, the country that I have grown to love, I experienced a small but large setback. I was stopped and detained at a local airport. Ashley and I were given less than a minute to decide what to do. Would we all jump back on the plan to Canada, or do Ashley and the boys go to our house that we had in this country? We decided to keep Ashley and the boys in asia minor, so as they left the deportation room, I started the battle for my mind.

I don't consider myself an emotional man, but that first night I wept, and I wept crying out to God, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!" You said you would take care of me; you said to go to Asia Minor. You said to pack up your life and follow Me, Why?? for what? God, what was the purpose of all of this? God, to me, felt silent. It felt like He went on break, and I was left waiting in a cold line for him to return. My heart is deeply saddened; I felt lost and alone. I was left to be treated like a criminal with little food and water. I was humiliated, and my pride was bruised. That first night I sat and wrote this:

"God, what are you doing? I thought I was on THE path when did this path change? Was I blind towards you? When did I become deaf, when did I stop hearing from you? Save me, Father, I am desperate for you. Lead me, Father, I crave a solid foundation. Please speak to me, Father, I long to hear your voice."

What I didn't know at the time was that God was already at work, and he was speaking. For me, at this time, faith is what I grasp to, with both hands, I firmly held on to what I know is true. I know at the bottom of my heart that God will never let me down.